The Little Voice Inside Me

Yesterday when I was lying down in our bed trying to take a nap and  a few minutes my back hit the bed there was this little voice inside me just started talking to me about  being so nagging and yelling so much to my first born lately. That voice was scolding me that served  as a wake up call of the way I handle things around here especially the way I mother Jadyn. It made me realize that what I am doing  is not right.

She is four years old and I noticed she changed a lot this time. She used to be a good, loving, sweet child and really attentive to what mommy was saying, well she is still very sweet and good girl to me but the thing is she doesn’t listen. I didn’t  deal with terrible twos or threes until she reached this age. Most of the time she just ignore me or doesn’t hear anything to what I’m telling her and that upsets me. When she do that, I can’t help but raise my voice and yell at her really loud in order for me to be heard which is very very wrong and I am aware of that.

When in the mall or stores, she’d insist that I would buy her toys or whenever she sees things she likes. She wasn’t like that before. Although she insists but I don’t think it is as bad as other kids I’ve seen out there that they would throw a fit just to get their way.

Anyway, back to this little voice I had… I think it was God talking to me that I should try to minimize my yelling behavior because kids are great impersonator and hmmmmmm I can pretty much see that what I’m doing is being copied by Jadyn too. She now yells at chichang the dog and at her little sister too. Also, my husband commented on me yelling to our girl. He prefers quiet and I know it.

Eeewww I should stop this, it is very discouraging on his part. I am not like this before during our early years of marriage and I know if I won’t stop it, it will eventually set us apart or worse turn the marriage upside down. I remember two times already he told me I am becoming like my mother. My mother cusses a lot and yells at her kids all the time and growing up in our home with a mother like that IT FELT AWFUL. I don’t want to become like her in that way. Por Dios, I need to change my attitude and set a good example to my kids.

Don’t get me wrong though, I am a good mother so to speak and I take care of my kids, I love my kids with all my heart and for that I am willing to just take it easy when Jadyn tries to test my temper.

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2 thoughts on “The Little Voice Inside Me

  1. I occasionally raise my voice at the kids as well. Sometimes, it seems it’s all I can do to really get their attention. I save the really big voice for a critical problem – like the 9 year old turning on the fan next to the 9 month old. (Of course, we shouldn’t have left the fan within reach of the baby).

    Then I try to spend some quality time with them to deal with my guilt. Haha. I know they love me, but they know that when daddy uses the big voice the bad behavior stops right now. When in public, I pull on the ear and whisper, so as not to attract attention.

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